People pleasing is rooted in trauma, abuse, neglect, abandonment, and rejection. We people please to secure affection from people. Furthermore, making sure someone else is always pleased with us guarantees, in our minds, that they will never leave, hurt, or reject us.
When People Have Emotional Responses You Feel Responsible For Them
Despite our magical thinking, we don’t actually have the power to make or break anyone’s heart. If someone has a sad reaction, we think we caused their sadness. If we feel we are abandoning someone by not doing what they say, we think we have caused their emotional pain. Whatever someone goes through emotionally, we somehow feel it was our responsibility. Additionally, we think it is our responsibility to change or fix how they feel.
People Seem To Try Swaying You To Their Beliefs, Expectations, Or Feelings
People pleasing is sometimes obvious to everyone but the people pleaser. We don’t always know it, but being a people-pleaser often leads us to be manipulated. We lose a sense of agency when we get stuck in people pleasing. Wanting to think the best of and act in the best interest of someone else, we are easily swayed by their demands.
If You Get Stuck Between Two Opinions You Panic
One of the most vulnerable parts of people pleasing is not being able to please everyone. You can’t please everyone. People pleasing will usually lead to an extreme devotion to pleasing just one person, however, if more people need to be taken care of you might find it hard to say no. Once you realize you can’t please everyone at once, you might experience panic due to a loss of control.
Guilt and Shame Constantly Accompany Your Decisions
When we are consistently abiding by other people’s rules, our subconscious starts to notice. If we don’t wholeheartedly agree with what we are doing, our psyche takes note. Inherently, people pleasing goes against our highest selves, meaning that we automatically will feel a level of discomfort. Addiction and alcoholism took precedence in our lives for so long. Continuing to people please in recovery feels like more servitude than we are willing to deal with.
Aurora Recovery Centre is dedicated to helping you become your best, most empowered version of yourself that you have ever known. Lighting the pathway to lifelong recovery, Aurora provides a multiphase treatment program for men and women through healing mind, body, and spirit. For more information call 1-844-515-STOP.